Friday, July 9, 2010

Why Am I Doing This?

I've never been someone who enjoys writing. The only part of my job I don't enjoy involves writing progress notes or psychological assessments. I never anticipated having a blog. I also never really had anything to write about. However, that is beginning to change. I've finally found the courage to have a crisis of faith, and for the past year-and-a-half I have been reading, discussing, thinking, and praying my way through it. I wish I could say that this emotional struggle and pursuit of the truth has led me to the answers. Instead,I have found more questions. But, I have found a joyful freedom in exploring, questioning, and searching. I feel more alive because I am not surpressing doubts and ignoring my anxiety. I am growing. Becoming. What my spiritual life will look like in the future I can't say with certainty. But at least I will be a more authentic version of me. I am ready to express my questions and thoughts on this journey in writing. And I am eager to do it.

5 comments:

  1. "I wish I could say that this emotional struggle and pursuit of the truth has led me to the answers. Instead,I have found more questions. But, I have found a joyful freedom in exploring, questioning, and searching. I feel more alive because I am not surpressing doubts and ignoring my anxiety."

    Well said, that has been my experience as well. Enjoy the journey!

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  2. Thanks, atimetorend. I've appreciated the blogosphere very much during my journey. It has helped to find supportive, like-minded others.

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  3. Kindred Spirits. As hard as living through a crisis can be, you can't go back, that's for sure!

    I read Tim Keller when the book came out. I plan to look through your posts in the coming week. For me, overall, I think Keller helped me "conceptualize" my doubts, but I don't think he made a strong case for Christianity, at least for me. But I'm glad I read it. I liked the last paragraph the best. I'll have to dig the book out and write a review of it sometime. I've picked up books off and on over the past 5 years, but only in the last 2 months have I started to have such a deep crisis that I felt I couldn't just live with the unsatisfactory feeling I've had over the years.

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  4. For what it's worth--me too! I "found the courage to have a crisis of faith" (among others!) once in the tremendous love and security my wife has provided for me in marriage. It has been healing to find other people in similar situations, especially who are so honest, humble, and articulate--thank you!

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  5. Dave, You're welcome! Feel free to stop by anytime. The internet has provided some terrifically supportive people who've helped me a great deal during this faith crisis.

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